i dug you, i beg your pardon

"There's too many things that i haven't done yet
Too many sunsets
I haven't seen
You can't waste the day wishing it'd slow down
You would've thought by now
I'd have learned something"

"then i don't know if you can hear me,
but i can hear the sound of my own echo coming back alone and,
i don't know why that should scare me
to be so lonely
but i can't stop crying out"


enough.

my weekend doesnt start till TOMORROW

i need ear plugs...and my neighbors rage EVERY night

oh Ashton! stop it! ::blush::

"carolina cup is like drunk easter, instead of find the eggs it's find your date!"

went to paws with lissa and my biff. mmmPaws =]

good food and good conversation fo sho.

now reading then early to bed =D look at me gettin those PM hours in! (it won't last)

light a roman candle with me

...yea...mondays will be rough for me. but it's all good cuz my small group met tonight!...my rogue small group haha. my rogue small group that sang/danced to dirty pop in moe joe? HECK YES.

"the amount of brain space i would have if i didn't remember all the words to that song would be phenomenal" - lissa

rescue

now brace yourselves....i did school work alllll day today.

this is new for me. feels good to be on top of things though =]

and aside from throwing water balloons off my balcony last night, i did work all last night too!! look at me go!

however, tomorrow will prove to be quite challenging.

i have class at 8 AM, then more class, then work, then more class, then work, then a lab. yikes! lord beer me strength.

so today i got a bracelet. to support the rescue of invisible children abducted to be children soldiers. it came with a video, a video that seizes your heart with a desire to help them. 3,000 children want to be saved. we can help them. no matter how young we are, we are all capable of great change.

long time no see bud...

i got a message this morning from a friend i havent talked to in years. and it reminded me that we gotta look out for each other. if you call yourself someone's friend, BE there for them. it affects their life more than you know.

"hey i know this is kind of out of the blue, but i just wanted to let you know something. i'm not sure if you remember but back in the day i went through a really rough patch. back then you gave me a note telling me that life is not about living for yourself, it's about living for those who love you and the ones you love. now in the past few years i've been going through an even rougher patch. things haven't exactly gone well for me but i find solace in your note which i still keep in my wallet. i just wanted to let you know that i thank you and love you for what you've done for me. im sorry that i havent kept in better touch with all you guys but know that i think about you guys and pray that you are well and happy.

love,"

(I left his name out for privacy reasons)

this is where my thoughts drift

so im thinking...that im putting an end to this blog.

thoughts?

don't fret. it's just my current thought, still mulling it over while stroking my long, white, and nonexistent beard. perhaps after braiding it i will make a final decision.

also, brewing in me is the excitement of new beginnings...the promise of a fresh start. the future doesn't freak me out so much. i may not know where i'm heading in the distant future but that's ok, i dont need to. and it's calming. i never had a blankie as a child...but what i feel is similar to what i imagine it feels like, that everything's alright. and what i have in mind for this year and the next, well, it's sort of like my blankie, helps me sleep, soothes me, makes me feel ready for whatever's out there. and i like this newfound feeling of mine.

lingering?

why thank you katie law. haha

rachel and melanie are here!!!

=D

"did irene's mom just pay me to hang out with her?"-leah

yes melanie, literally writhing in pain

holy crap when does this pain peak already?!

and i will try...to fix you

im having a tour de clemson blvd or whatever that street is with all the restaurants when this healing process is over and done with! watching tv makes me so hungry with all the food commercials! and i cant eat any of it!

ooh, just got ushered into bed, apparently running a slight fever?

happened so fast, mom leaned in to kiss me goodnight, then all of a sudden i have a thermometer stuck in me and medicine being poured and water and i got tucked into bed. what is this? i want them to do it again. this time i'll time it. aaaand go! no? ok.

also, just got a lecture about how im not sposed to laugh too much tmrw...mom tried to threaten me with stories of people getting bleeders after tonsillectomies. dont worry mom, i have googled those stories in the dead of the night and have already freaked myself out reading them. im totally up to speed.

"it giggled again" (leah in reference to my phone)

i take it back i take it back! gimme the pain meds!!!! ahh someone hold me!...

...just kidding...i kinda wanna take them now but not feeling nauseous is a lot better than the pain i think.

just think of happy things...like leaving for clemson! i was gunna try and push for leaving saturday cuz i just wanna get out of here but now im thinking we'll leave sunday instead. and since im being driven to gvegas, figured i could drop some things off at the mascaro and keith households before i hold my own the rest of the way to clemson!

man i forget i gotta be back in charleston for the pcat on the 21st. anyone wanna come with me? im just goin down to chuck for the night and leaving right after the test i think. or if nothing's goin down in clem, may hit up dt charleston?

sigh, leah just left me, im so sick of being stuck in the house, i really did wanna go out on the boat today, but just going to my eye appointment made me want to pass out so i guess it's better that i stayed home. instead leah brought me flowers, ice cream, and last year's xmas present! haha

im glad leah came over, ive been needing someone to save me from my boredom. but tomorrow's already friday hooray!!! man i really wanted to be feeling a lot better by now. ugh. get with the program throat!

also, check my mom out, been texting me all day! so tech savvy now. alright well im rambling for lack of something better to do...so, ciao

goodbye and good riddance!

no more pain meds. NO MORE. NADA MAS I TELL YOU!!

ps, hi nanner, i love you=]

what alarm?

yucky

no me gusta esta medicina! nada!

also, ive had some trippy dreams tonight...anyone else? furthermore, i dont need my phone to wake up to take my meds anymore...apparently my body wakes up at 11:58 PM and 3:52 AM by itself now. i foresee this becoming a problem...

"save me i'm lost, oh lord ive been waiting for you...show me what im looking for"--carolina liar

maybe i accidentally took a couple mls over the prescribed 15

maybe im thinking too much

either way im spinning

and i dont like it

guess i'll get back to my book i started in...may?

"Dear Juliet, 17th February, 1946

Was that possibly you I glimpsed in this week's Tatler, doing the rumba with Mark Reynolds? You looked gorgeous--almost as gorgeous as he did--but might I suggest that you move to an air-raid shelter before Sidney sees a copy?

You can purchase my silence with torrid details, you know.

Yours,

Susan

Dear Susan, 18th February, 1946

I deny everything.

Love,

Juliet"

day 3

ow

i was gunna skip my 8 o clock dosage cuz this stuff makes me nauseous....but o boy, i change my mind on that! pain pain go away, come again...never!

4 Am we gotta stop meeting like this

4 am we meet again

let the struggle for sleep begin

till then i'll stalk you on facebook

take a glance at every last picture you took

till my alarm wakes me at eight

to take meds that dont taste so great

oh the life without tonsils

filled with sleepless and painful thrills...

pardon my delirium

i want a bell

filipino people really dont understand not being able to eat, mom keeps bringing me things i should not be eating... the first time around i gave it a go, but after it got stuck in my throat and i painfully coughed it out i vow never again. damnit, bring the jello.

on the other hand, i like that i can text mom what i need from downstairs because she doesnt want me to move out of bed. she's caught on that i need a glass of ice water like every 30 min. good mom, gooood mom.

8:30

some family came in for dinner, and though i went between stages of passing out and wanting to throw up as i tried to be entertaining, it was worth it because they delivered an envelope from my great aunt and great uncle containing 100 buckaroos. and though i want to spend that on a ton of useless and insignificant things on ebay, i am forcing myself to put most of it into a saving's account. for my life after college...which i momentarily somehow forgot about these past couple days. but now that it's in my thoughts again, ive found some strength to make it till i leave here.

hopefully i'll get to see leah tomorrow...o geez why do i have to burp a lot all of a sudden. stop it! it hurts!

ah im missing the game!...eh too much effort to make it to a tv right now...

10:43

its really great that our ice maker stopped making ice...im about to make dad go to a gas station to get some...and why the heck am i still burping? all ive had today was two scoops of mashed potatoes, bout a spoon's worth of mac and cheese, a cup of soup, a cup of jello, and half a bottle of ensure, i dont see what out of that is making me burp!!

ex-nay on the sally visit

i loathe the debacle im in. sally was supposed to visit today but we have a surprise family visit that basically invited themselves here so dad told me to tell sally she couldnt come (even though she had balloons and Popsicles for me =/) and even for a little. then mom called me to tell sally she could drop by for a little since she knows how hard its been for me to be stuck home this past week and not see anyone and be arguing with my dad. but then dad got mad at me for that. and so since i know he's pissed at me i tried to stay away from him and attempted to go downstairs myself to get some food and ended up nearly passing out at the bottom of the steps. and then proceeded to throw up once i got to the kitchen. and lemme tell you, throwing up when there's an open wound in your throat felt like fire and ice at the same time. i just lay there on the floor for a little before i got around to cleaning it up. miserable.

needless to say i just decided to stay with telling sally she can't come over...

and called melanie instead to vent. yet again. mel you're an angel for letting me call you and vice versa these past few days. please come rescue me soon from this place. i need to get out of here. and i need you!!!

hey biff i miss you. and would do anything for one of your back rubs right now. or to hear your voice...skype date maybe?

day 2: starting to feel the "pain" they speak of...

i dont like this whole wake up every 4 hours to take meds...i actually was sleeping btw 12-4, now wiiide awake again

i wish my bathroom were closer to my bed

"this stuff's good, what's the street name for this?" I really wanted to quote baby mama when i got my IV put in but refrained because it was an older nurse and i didnt want to freak her out.

well im up, and bored out of my mind. earlier it made me nauseous to watch tv or use the computer and reading just took too much effort. so ive pretty much been staring at my ceiling and my fan turning all day, which didnt make me nauseous. interesting. so i basically spent the day texting everyone (a couple times i got convos mixed up and replied the wrong things to the wrong people, apologies!) and luckily me and melanie had a few phone conversations through out the day. it hurt a little to laugh, and since that essentially made up 90% of our conversations, i had to take several ice water breaks to sooth my throat. totally worth it though!

but now im able to look at an LCD screen and not want to puke my brains out. it's a great change in my life. also, turns out i dont need Will to remind to take my meds at 12 because i never got to sleep! sooo wide awake! and i got prescribed a whole bottle of hydrocdone...(aka lortab elixir). dear lord that seems unnecessary. AND there are 3 refills.

so guess i'll tell ya a lil about my day. since my last early morning post.

i had to surrender my glasses to my parents in the prep room (where i donned a lovely hospital gown and padded socks) so it was a good thing that the nurse lead me by the hand to the operating room since im blind without my glasses or contacts. she also accidentally pulled on my IV in the process...yea that left a bruise. when i arrived and they helped me onto the table/bed, i realized they were playing matt nathanson. and the last thing i remember before being put to sleep was singing "come on get higher loosin my lips" with the nurse, then the next thing i know im coming to in the observation room. the nurse covering post op instructions with my parents was talking a mile a minute while i was still waking up. ergo, i couldnt really focus on anything (and my glasses were still not on my face) and then i realized that as i was acknowledging what he was saying i was very much focusing on his nose and not his eyes. my eyes just couldnt quite make it up there at first. and as melanie pointed out, i was probably cross eyed too. i mustve looked like a hot mess.

needless to day i didnt really know what he was saying, but my parents said i was actually asking good questions pertaining to my surgery and it's success. i should go to job interviews post surgery huh. then mom put my clothes back on for me and i got put in a wheel chair to meet my dad at the car.

since we were near sams club mom asked me if it would be okay if we stopped by there on the way home. i waved yes. but then when we got there the AC in the car crapped out and i was dying and in pain and dad's driving was making me even more nauseous and it was the most uncomfortable i have ever been in my life. finally mom came back, with food that i definitely am not allowed to eat. boo. always gallivanting food i cant eat in front of my face.

then dad dropped me off at home and went to go pick up my medicine...where he learned that i was on birth control for the first time. teet! he naturally initially asked the obvious question from that. but nay, i am not partaking in suspicious activity.

then i had some mashed potatoes and later mac and cheese because this whole jello diet is not gunna work for irene.

and mrs burton called last night to see how im doing! she's always so sweet.

aaaand im getting nauseous again so i'll resume this later...

zack morris and ac slater woke me up this lovely morn'

it's only been 2.5 hours since i last ate and im already hunnngry, and the rents are eating eggs and sausage and mmmm foood...torture. what kind of parents would eat food like that in front of their daughter who cant?

time is passing rather slowly...let's git r done!!! meanwhile ive been watching saved by the bell. oh my childhood floods back to me. hey melanie? did you ever watch that show? or was that lost amongst the two years you were devoid of american culture? haha

well anyhoo, must go, we're leaving in an hour ish to go hack off meh tonsils. cant wait to put on that gown that makes your behind feel all free and liberated. (i didnt think i was gunna have to put one on since it's just tonsils, but apparently i do)

thanks everyone for your texts and calls last night! =] ciao ciao

see ya on the other side. i wonder if i'll realize something's missing when i wake up. prolly not, i'll be more preoccupied with demanding my drugs.

so that's a vampire who's a viking who's not gay but is having sex with the king's gay partner and what???

cousin cousin's family came to visit tonight!! so good to see him again! we found ourselves watching true blood and eating the filipino dessert of halo halo! (because my fam "gets HBO"...for those who know what im talking about)

got a little awkward with the sex scenes because both his and my parents were in the living room too. intense stuff. but my fam just laughed about it haha.

it was lil hard for cous cous too cuz he had never watched true blood and was thoroughly confused by vampires and werewolves and shapeshifters and vikings and gay guys...oh and porn. ha.

well, they're coming back to visit again tmrw. post surgery. im sure i'll be asleep all day though. but tuesday we have fam from cali dropping by on their way to disney world (theyre in DC right now) who i havent seen in a while and sally's visiting since she goes back to tiger town early wednesday. and then leah comes to visit wednesday! so hopefully my last few days will be more eventful. and then melanie and rachel are comin down friday to chill in charleston before driving me up to greenville sunday =] (i think i can manage the trip from gville to clemson)

well, i should try to get some shut eye now since i gotta be up at 6 AM to eat jello, since it's the last time im allowed to eat before surgery. but since i took a nap i'll prolly have a bout of insomnia. i never learn.

from my queen sized bed in chucktown

i had katie keith change my password to this until my finals were over...except now i feel no inclination to blog. booo. i hate to upset my 5 readers! so i will try to start it up again.

yea...nothing to say...well here are some random pictures from when i was blogless and facebookless... ok right, the pic uploader is choosing to not acquiesce to my request, so there's that. gosh, i actually have to talk to you people then?

moving right along.

i get my tonsils out tomorrow morning! we went out and picked out jello and boost/ensure flavors. it was pretty much the most exciting thing that happened today. not sad at all. well, other than when i picked up a phone call from melanie in my sleep during a nap and had no recollection of it till i talked to her awake. it was funny apparently, but i was not conscious for it so...yea missed that boat. talked to sally herbert on the phone a good bit yesterday, twas a nice change from the silence in our house since i managed to piss dad off. also talked to melanie as she was heading back out to clemson....ahh i miss my roomies! it was so nice to hear her voice and catch up. how we make each other laugh. the catching up was more on my side, i really had nothing to contribute, but she has so many exciting stories from wilmington and meeting famous people. whilst i have been stuck at home and forbidden to do anything outside the house really cuz dad doesnt want me to do anything stupid i guess that would prohibit me from being able to have surgery.

i cant wait to get back to clemson, im so bored out of my mind here under my parent's roof! and i miss talking in "ghetto british" with my roomates! i just may have to call melissa tonight to get my fix in. melanie said she'd call later too so perhaps i could figure out a 3 way call...it'll be a party. ghe-o bri-ish allowed only.

yea, this was not a very good post. apologies upon apologies! i had some funny things annotated in a notebook from when i didnt have the blog, it's up at school though and i cant remember what they were! which should surprise no one.

hope you're faring better than i!

all the best,

.me.